Owning Myself into True Love
My latest single, the ritual of listening and a special discount just for you
Last week I released “Sanctions of the Heart” the third single from my forthcoming album ripe fruit falls but not in your mouth. The song opens with the lines “Met the boy at Bloor and Bathurst/ man, he was the fucking worst” - they are exceptional for me because they are a complete fabrication. Generally I am a heart on my sleeve, TMI kind of lyric writer, but admittedly, I jotted these lines down during one of my many trips to Toronto because I thought they sounded kind of clever.
As a recent Exclaim! piece very correctly identifies, “rather than rhyme a snarling takedown on the guy, Hua Li turns her lens inward, using the dude as set dressing for a play about her self-growth.” I didn’t have a diss track in mind when I heard Alexander Thibault’s beat for “Sanctions of the Heart” and I put in the Bloor & Bathurst lines at the top of the track as a potential placeholder that worked really well rhythmically. The truth is, the only person I was truly angry with at the time I wrote this song was myself. Doing the same thing over and over again, getting the same results. As often happens for me, I intuitively wrote this song lyric, and after some time away from it, I understood what I was trying to tell myself in those words. I needed to put an abrupt stop to the self-abandonment and harm I caused myself from entering into transactional relationships and feeding an inexhaustible addiction to the kind of validation I got by playing the role of sex symbol. You gotta name it to change it. And to name it, sometimes you need to slow down and hear what it is you’re really trying to tell yourself.
I’ve undergone a tremendous amount of change since I released my 2019 debut Dynasty and I feel that so much of that change is documented in ripe fruit. My days are decidedly less chaotic and things that I maintain are embarrassingly Goop-y, like daily meditation and journalling, are becoming essential tools in my endeavour to change my behaviour.
I do tend of fall out of my little rituals pretty often, but I try not to be judgmental and just pick things up when I can. If I miss a few days of journalling, I try to get in there again as soon as I’m able because I know now that I feel better when I do. For some time, I started each day with one of the records in my collection. I love the physicality of marking the passage of time by flipping over a record - taking that moment of silence to reflect on what I’ve just heard and what’s to come. All that to say, I did fall off from listening to any of my vinyl over the past few months and I’m trying to bring this morning habit back again. Prioritizing slowness, appreciating the analog crackles and pops accompanying my morning coffee, listening with intention - these are small things that bring me a lot of joy.
If you’re a record collector but your turntable is collecting dust like mine was, I would love to challenge you to set some time aside this week to practice this ritual of listening - touch the spines of your records, feel out which one is calling to you, what the sounds of the next 45 minutes or so will be. Get that vinyl on your deck and don’t forget to stay present enough to flip the record over when Side A is done. Comment or DM me what you’re listening to! Right now I’m writing this with Columbia Records’s 1961 Jazz Poll Winners compilation playing in the background - a great mix of Miles Davis, Mingus, Lambert, Hendricks & Ross, Paul Desmond… lots of great stuff.
All this talk of reflection and ritual and I’ve yet to offer you the sweet discount promised in the sub-title. From now until March 18th, get 10% off any of my releases at the Next Door Records web store with the code HLSS10. This is a perfect time to pre-order my upcoming record and make me look like a really good and commercially viable artist in the eyes of the higher ups at Next Door :D
Wonderful piece Peggy!